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Robert Pattinson Tearing Out Famed Hair Over Kristen Stewart

Robert Pattinson must be pulling out his world famous hair. Over Kristen Stewart? Well, her, yes. But just as likely over tabloids reports that seem to know his every mood, even though he has yet to speak about Stewart’s sex scandal. How do they know?

Unnamed “sources,” of course. Rob must have a ton of friends who are constantly talking to him and running to the tabloids to share what they know. Or…

The tabloids are just making it up as they go.

Anatomy of a Tabloid Celebrity Story

Editor’s note: Here’s how a tabloid would make up this story; items in parentheses are our analysis.

Robert Pattinson is so distraught over Kristen Stewart’s affair with Rupert Sanders (safe to assume), he’s literally pulling out his world famous hair. If Rob doesn’t get a hold of himself soon, he could start going bald.

The stress Rob is under for his public humiliation is enough alone to make his hair fall out. (generally true of anybody) But Rob has a habit of constantly running his hand through his hair when he’s nervous (previously observed behavior provides another basis for story).

Now he’s doing it almost non-stop (stress+habit=new behavior!) as he frets about what to do, a source told TheImproper exclusively. (the unnamed source pulls it all together.) Rob already has a receding hairline, which suggests he’s likely to go bald eventually, anyway (assumption adds credence to source). But now he’s accelerating the process, the source says.

“Rob is a sensitive guy. He was devastated by Kristen’s cheating; now he’s sick with worry about what to do. He’s developing an obsessive-compulsive behavior over his hair because it’s his most famous feature,” the source says. (A blend of pseudo-science and medical terms also adds credence to story)

And there you have it.

It’s really not hard to do. It’s probably safe to assume that Rob is mad at Kristen; that’s a normal reaction. He’s also possibly heartbroken; most people are when they find out their spouse/girlfriend is cheating.

Is Rob reconciling with Kristen? Well, that’s one possibility, no more or less likely than the possibility he’s breaking up with her. Those are the basic elements of any breakup/makeup story. They tabloids just take if from there. They fill in the blanks by claiming to have a “source,” always anonymous.

The latest report in radaronline is a classic example of what’s known as “sourcery,” the ability to take a predicable story line and give it credence by attaching a “source” to it.

The gossip site claims in a new story that Rob is getting over his heartbreak, even contemplating a reconciliation. How does it know? A source close to the “Twilight” star told them, of course.

Rob could well be contemplating a reconciliation, it’s one possible scenario, and chances are he may be thinking about it. But does the gossip site have hard information that Rob, at this moment, is contemplating a reconciliation? It probably doesn’t have a clue. But it has a new headline on a hot story that will attract readers.

If you think these tabloid sites really do have sources, just look at how many reports claimed Rob had been sighted. First, it was London. Then Reese Witherspoon’s ranch. Then out at a bar in Los Angeles.

All of the other elements of the story–Rob was mad, Rob has now cooled down, Rob is reconsidering, Rob is going back and forth, his friends are divided–are easily behaviors that someone in his situation might go through. So let’s just throw it out there and claim a source said it.

“There’s definitely some friends who think he should just move on from Kristen, but then there are others who still think Rob and Kristen really have a special connection and want him to give her another chance,” the radar source said. How cliched.

“He has a lot to think about and hasn’t decided either way right now,” the site reports. Wow! How did they know that? Oh… a source.

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